Helping Your Child Stand Up to a Bully- Part 3

Written by Ilissa Banhazl, MFT-

I want to share a wonderful book that you can share with your tween/teen. I believe it’s appropriate for any child between 8 and 14 years old. It’s directed towards girls and it’s put out by American Girl. The book is entitled Stand Up for Yourself & Your Friends. You can find it online or anywhere they sell American Girl products.

I have used this book many times with girls and they have reported that it is very helpful. It is easy to read yet with lots of appealing images and full of wonderful ideas on how to handle a bully and even understand why another child would bully someone. It will help your daughter feel better about herself and that’s the most important thing, her self-esteem.

Next time, Part 4 of “Bullying”, I will discuss what kind of children became bullies and why. Look for it next week.

Need help with your child who’s being bullied?

What Your Teen or Younger Child Can Do if They Are Being Bullied at School- Part 2

I'm not going to take this anymore-

Bullying is a serious issue in many schools across the country. It can be devastating for a young person. Many of the comments made towards them can stay with them for a lifetime. That’s why it’s so important that your child stand up for themselves against the bully.

Here are some things your child/teen can do:

1. Ignore it- This works but not always. Try it for three days and if the bullying persists, try something else.

2. Speak up- in an assertive not antagonistic way, tell the bully that you’re not okay with it.

3. Clever comebacks that won’t get you in trouble with your school-

a. “I don’t like it when…”

b. ” I can’t believe you said that.”

c. “Was that really necessary? Really?

It takes courage to respond to a bully. Having support from your parents who allow you to handle it will make it easier to speak up.

Next blog look for: Why a Child Bullies Another Child.

Book- Stand Up for Yourself & Your friends, (partial list, courtesy of American Girl)

Bullying of Children & Teens in La Verne, Upland, and Claremont!

Written by Ilissa Banhazl-

Does your child seem upset about something?-

Don’t feel bad, it’s not just in your city. It’s a problem in Upland, Rancho Cucamonga, Glendora, San Dimas, Chino Hills and all over the country. What do we do if our child is being bullied? Most times they won’t even tell us for fear that we may call their teacher, the principal or the other child’s parents. That may seem even worse than being bullied. Your child may feel the humiliation of that unbearable and they might think it may cause more problems with the bully/bullies. You know what, they may be right. Admire you’re child for having the courage to handle it themselves and tell them so. Let them know you’re there for them if they need your help. If we respect our children we will then respect their wishes. Stay tuned in and ask you’re child how it’s going but not everyday! Let them come to you some times. Don’t put your anxiety on your child. Perhaps you need to have your needs met somewhere else like a good friend, family member or professional.

* Noted is that a parent’s decision to get involved with also depend on the child’s age and if there is physical violence of any kind. In these situations it may be advisable to intercede. With teens, respect their initial attempts to handle on it on their own.

Look for my next blog which will discuss what we can teach our children if they come to us for help- What Behaviors Can We Teach Our Children To Help Them Stick Up For Themselves When Being Bullied 

 

La Verne & Upland Parents, Better Parenting for You & Your Children

How's Your Relationship With Your Teen?-

Whether you have an elementary age child, teen, or young adult, you can learn how to listen so your child will talk to you and learn how to talk so your children will want to listen to you.

We all know that you want the best for your child. That’s why family counseling is a terrific idea. You won’t have to handle all the pressure yourself. Come in and each of you will have a turn to speak. Let’s find out what the major issues  are such as:

1. Homework

2. Choice of friends

3. Studying/test anxiety

4. Disrespect, talking back

5.  Attending school

6. Learning difficulties

7. Alcohol or drugs

8. Blended family issues

9. Eating disorders

10. Anxiety

11. Depression

12. Reaction to divorce

13. Bullying

14. Sibling arguing

15. Chores

No matter what the issue, they don’t teach parenting in school. Everyone could benefit from some tips to make your relationship with your child more harmonious and to create a setting for your child’s success.

Parents from La Verne, Upland, Rancho Cucamonga, Pasadena, or San Dimas, Glendora, Monrovia, West Covina and Monrovia- We’re all in the same boat.

Would you like to bring your family in to see if we can figure out what’s going on and make a plan to improve relations and behaviors?

 

Ilissa’s Family Tip #8- Have You Considered Mother-Daughter Counseling?

Mother- daughter relationships can be extremely loving and yet they can also be very conflictual. Adult daughters as well as younger daughters can suffer in silence because there seems to be a taboo about mothers. You’re supposed to love her no matter what. This kind of thinking makes it difficult for daughters who didn’t have a strong mother daughter bond to find people that they can share these feelings with.

Bring your mom or come yourself and talk about your mother-daughter relationship. Don’t spend the next 40 years struggling with it.

It’s okay to say things about your mom and vise versa that aren’t especially flattering. Learning to talk about these things may enable you to have a better relationship. Accepting reality and limiting expectations may work better in your situation but you’ll never know until you try.

Schedule a consultation and together we’ll figure out what’s going on.

ABC News Sponsored Twitter Chat Welcomes Ilissa Banhazl, Marriage and Family Psychotherapist in Glendora

Please join ABC’s Dr. Besser and myself along with 4 other  eating disorder experts as we chat about males and females and eating disorders. This is a topic that has been long ignored.

This will be an ABC News sponsored Twitter chat, with our Chief Health and Medical Editor, Dr. Richard Besser.

It will be on Tuesday February 28th from  10 am- 11am Pacific Time and 1- 2 PM EST

Go to  www.tweetchat.com 

To enter the chat type in-  hashtag abcdrbchat

Want information on eating disorders?

Ilissa’s Couple’s Tip # 7- What Is Your Love Language?

What's your love language?-

There’s a wonderful book called The 5 Love Languages written by Gary Chapman. It’s an easy read but its message is powerful. The idea is to learn what your own love language is and to share that with your partner. This way your partner will know what they can do to make you feel loved and vise versa. Isn’t that what we all want?

Here are the 5 love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation (compliments, I love you, etc.)

2. Quality Time

3. Receiving Gifts (It’s about the thoughtfulness and effort)

4. Acts of Service (bring him coffee, fix her broken appliance)

5. Physical Touch

What is your love language and do you know which one your partner would choose?

Does your relationship need some attention?