Have you been trying to please your mother to know avail? That might be because she is a narcissist. “Narcissism describes people who believe the world and its inhabitants exist solely to revolve around them”. Dr. Karyl McBride
Children, even adult children when raised by this kind of mother grow up with self-doubt and confusion, not feeling good enough. When you read the article link you will be able to decide if your mother is a narcissist. Dr. Karyl McBride also describes how having this kind of mother affects you and what you can do about it. This article is directed at women but applies to men as well. Dr. McBride has a webpage and a section for men! http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/.
She has also written a great book entitled, “Will I Ever Be Good Enough? I think we know the answer to that now.
You will never please a narcissistic mother because she is not capable of nurturing others. If you feel a whole inside you, you can begin to fill it up by learning to become your own parent. I work with my clients on this. First you have to:
1. Accept the truth
2. Grieve the loss
3. Move beyond it and feel free. Create new relationships where your needs are met.
You may still choose to stay in contact with your mom if you can be around her without it hurting you. You’ll have to accept that you’ll never get your needs met and the relationship will be about caring for her. If you find it intolerable then you nay choose to sever relations. It’s okay to put yourself first because that’s what your mom has been doing. Putting herself first, before her child. It’s very sad. You need to create your own family and friends who know you for who you really are. Your mom probably does not really know you. She’s incapable. Sorry.
She’s not blind, but she doesn’t see you. She’s not deaf, but she doesn’t hear you. She’s not unfeeling, but she’s oblivious to your pain. Who is she? Your narcissistic mother.
For daughters of narcissistic mothers, life’s a riddle. Why doesn’t she love me for who I am? Why can’t I ever please her? Who does she want me to be? Who is she?