Post-Baby Relationships: Five Ideas to Keep Your Love Alive

When working with couples, I often find the breakdown of the relationship started when the beautiful little baby joined the family.

This is the time to keep an awareness of your relationship and notice if any distancing is happening.  Catch it early. Yes, the baby needs most of your attention but don’t neglect the relationship either. Keep it on priority status. Relationships are like gardens. They wither if you don’t care for them.

When the baby arrives you are sure to get a lot of unsolicited but “meant well” opinions. Take them in and discuss them with your partner. Don’t let the opinions cause conflict between you two.

Moms tend to want to be the perfect parent. Striving for perfection puts pressure on your husband. Learn how to delegate baby jobs to him so he doesn’t begin to feel out of the loop. Show him you still function as a team.

So, when you notice you’re slipping away from one another make time for the relationship. A good solid marriage is going to benefit the baby. Seek couple’s counseling or plan date nights where you can communicate about what you’re feeling and what you might need from your partner. Go out and have some fun together. You have time, after all, you’re going to be a parent for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! Ilissa

Here’s an article with more on How to Keep Your Relationship Alive After Baby Arrives-

Having a baby changes everything. By the time your little one arrives, you’ll have heard plenty of advice and anecdotes about babies ruining lives and marriages. Let’s face it, we’re a less family centric culture than we were in the 1950’s. Raising kids competes with the time you spend at work and with your partner.

So, here’s the bad news: choosing to have a baby can destroy an already unstable relationship. The good news is: it doesn’t have to.

Here are the five golden rules for preserving your relationship after having a baby:

1. Ignore the competition.
Having a baby opens up a whole new world of judgment and competition. Relatives, friends, and the general public will critique and criticize every decision you make when raising your little one. Your mother-in-law will insist that only public school really prepares your child for the real world and your mother will swear that sending your child anywhere but a top dollar private school will be a surefire way to turn them into a criminal by the age of 12.

Not only can you never completely make everyone happy, it places a great deal of stress on your relationship with your partner. If you take sides and argue in private about every detail of raising your child, communication will soon be replaced by animosity. Treat raising your child the same way you’d treat any other project. Discuss your options and agree on a path that works for you. Listen to objections, but don’t let them run your life.

2. Don’t be a perfectionist.

Want to put your relationship on priority status? For couples counseling…


About Ilissa Banhazl

Ilissa Banhazl is a licensed marriage and family psychotherapist, former grade school teacher and holds a masters degree in reading. She has a private practice in Glendora, CA and lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband and three children. She specializes in adult, adolescent, individual, couple, and family relationship counseling as well as eating disorder treatment and recovery. She facilitates a Women’s Support Group in Glendora as well as a Women’s Disordered Eating & Body Image Group. Ilissa authors 3 therapy blogs, Marriage and Family, Eating Disorders and Group Therapy. You can follow her at FB and Twitter. or
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