Are You Considering an Affair?

Written by Ilissa Banhazl

Affairs are dangerous stuff. They can blow up your entire life and hurt the people who love you. Why do it?

Why not have conversations with your spouse first; about what is making you unhappy and what is missing from your relationship. Give the person a chance to meet your needs before you go looking elsewhere to have those needs met. You probably will find that if you’re unhappy; you’re partner is too.

Most people having affairs have gone slightly insane. The hormone rush and the attraction are hard to compete with. There’s nothing so sexy has having a secretive passionate affair. Take that lover into everyday life however, and you’ll have a whole different picture. Researchers say that no matter who you are with you’ll inherit a set of 10 problems; different problems but 10 of them. When you leave your spouse for your affair partner, statistics show that the relationship will end after a year. When you wake up from the insanity it may be too late; too much damage and your family is gone. Not so sexy anymore, huh?

When your spouse finds out that you’re having an affair and in my experience; they will find out; you will destroy their entire world. They will feel disoriented like a great big crack in the earth has opened up beneath them. They will never look at life the same. You have taken away their safe place. It will take a very long time for them to trust you again, if they take you back.

Don’t give up on your relationship until you have exhausted all avenues; especially if you have children. Divorce will take its toll on your children more than you. You made the choice to be with this person and may have chosen to have children will them. You have a responsibility to care and protect your family.

If you’re sure you want to leave; then do that before you have an affair. Be open and honest and close one door before you open another. It’s the kind thing to do.

Doesn’t your spouse deserve the courtesy of knowing you are unhappy before you go outside your partnership?  What do you think?

Do you think your partner may be having an affair? Are you confused and considering an affair?


About Ilissa Banhazl

Ilissa Banhazl is a licensed marriage and family psychotherapist, former grade school teacher and holds a masters degree in reading. She has a private practice in Glendora, CA and lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband and three children. She specializes in adult, adolescent, individual, couple, and family relationship counseling as well as eating disorder treatment and recovery. She facilitates a Women’s Support Group in Glendora as well as a Women’s Disordered Eating & Body Image Group. Ilissa authors 3 therapy blogs, Marriage and Family, Eating Disorders and Group Therapy. You can follow her at FB and Twitter. or
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