Don’t Like Something Your Therapist Did or Said? Is it Time to Quit? Absolutely Not and Here’s Why!

Communicate with your therapist, self-frowth, self-eesteem, assertiveness, social phobia

Talk to your therapist-

Has your therapist done or said something that you don’t like or makes things more difficult for you. Here’s the big clue in how to handle this. Here you go, are you ready? This is a really well-kept secret. “Say something!!” 

Now don’t just say “goodbye” try saying something specific to what bothers you and give your therapist an opportunity to respond. In this way, you may not have to give up the authentic relationship that you have come to trust and count on.

Something that clients or patients may not realize is that a therapist takes in all interactions to learn more about you so that she or he is in a better position to help guide and support you. This incident if handled properly can be very helpful for a client.

It is your therapist’s job to set boundaries for you. If your therapist fits himself or herself around you, you will never have the opportunity to look at your issues and grow. Truthfully, isn’t that why you came to counseling in the first place? Another thing that clients don’t realize sometimes is that the way that you respond to your therapist is pretty much the way you respond to the world. Everything that goes on inside and outside of the therapy room is all meat for the therapy process.

So when your therapist triggers something in you please let them know. This gives you an opportunity to have a healthy discussion with your therapist about what’s not working for you. Which in turn gives your therapist an opportunity to explain why they said or did what they did. It also gives them an opportunity to apologize if they rethink their actions or words and believe them to be unhelpful. Experiencing an authentic but difficult discussion coming to a positive conclusion for all parties involved; role models and demonstrates to you what a healthy respectful discussion with someone out in your real world can look like.

This kind of open discussion helps both the therapist and the client to get back on track and allows your therapist to continue to help and support you for as long as you need. Sometimes you may part ways with your therapist but at least you will have a better understanding and be in a better place to make that choice.

Do you need help talking to your therapist or anyone else for that matter? 


About Ilissa Banhazl

Ilissa Banhazl is a licensed marriage and family psychotherapist, former grade school teacher and holds a masters degree in reading. She has a private practice in Glendora, CA and lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband and three children. She specializes in adult, adolescent, individual, couple, and family relationship counseling as well as eating disorder treatment and recovery. She facilitates a Women’s Support Group in Glendora as well as a Women’s Disordered Eating & Body Image Group. Ilissa authors 3 therapy blogs, Marriage and Family, Eating Disorders and Group Therapy. You can follow her at FB and Twitter. or
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7 Responses to Don’t Like Something Your Therapist Did or Said? Is it Time to Quit? Absolutely Not and Here’s Why!

  1. julielevinmft says:

    Ilissa, this is a great post, and so true. I’m making some changes to how I teach people about the therapy process, and I would love to refer them to this post. I also wanted to tell you that I love the video of you on your website. You are so natural, approachable. What a great resource for potential clients.

  2. Ally says:

    Great read! We believe that running away from an issue may not be the healtiest. If there is a problem between and client and a therpist, it is indeed good to “talk it out” with them, and try to get on the same page as them. However, if the problem contiues, do you believe that these clients should still stay with the same therapist? Sometimes people bump heads and just don’t see eye to eye. Staying in an unhealthy relationship such as these, may make a problem even worse!

  3. ilissa says:

    If after you have spoken with your therapist you still feel that she or he is not a good fit for you by all means interview some new therapists and see if you can find one who you feel comfortable with.

  4. Pingback: Sabotaging my own Therapy | Roots to Blossom

  5. Pingback: To therapists and treatment providers who have been in my life « Daily Life and My Avoidance

  6. Pingback: Ethics and books | Trainee Therapist

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