If your goal in the discussion with your partner is to win than you’re going to lose every time. See if you can change your goal of winning to understanding. Understanding yourself and your partner and be open to differences. You’re not the same person after all. What may be right for you may be wrong for your partner and that’s okay!
1. Remember that your account of an event is your perception of it.
2. Remember that your perception is based on years and years of personal experiences and you bring that to situations in present time.
3. Learn how to calm yourself when your partner is speaking. Listen with empathy and be open.
4. Learn to repeat what you heard your partner say.
5. Listen with the goal of understanding rather than changing your partners mind.
6. Use language that is not attacking. Speak for yourself only.
If you or your partner need help in developing these skills than marriage or couples counseling would be indicated. Call 626-335-0903 to speak with Ilissa Banhazl, marriage and family therapist, Glendora, CA.
Please inquire about counseling for lesbian couples!